and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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