she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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