Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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