I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
