help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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