6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
