I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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