Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
