can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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