I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
