All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
