She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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