I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
