Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
