Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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