Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
