I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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