WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
