she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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