she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
