yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
