just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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