i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
