I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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