you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
