Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the day after is always just damage control
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
