I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
