I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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