Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Randomize
