i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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