life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
