Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
