Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
