my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
