Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
