the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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