but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
