Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
