i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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