i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
