I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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