this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
