too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
