The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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