paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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