when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You made out with two different species that night
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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