if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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