just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
