Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
