Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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