I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
