I can tuck mytits in my pants
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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