do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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