There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
