i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
